Self-Care for the Highly Sensitive Empath

I am wired as a highly sensitive person (HSP) and empath. Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychologist and author, has complied data to show that 15-20% of the population has a trait for high sensitivity. People with this trait experience life more deeply. The sense organs-eyes, ears, skin, tongue- experience sights, sounds, physical touch and taste more intensely. Additionally, the emotional landscape and spiritual senses are also heightened with this trait.

Characteristics of highly sensitive people

• Easily overwhelmed by sensory input and multi-tasking,
• Affected by others moods
• Feel emotions deeply
• Strongly moved by art and music
• Startled easily by loud noises and yelling
• Depth of processing with a rich inner world
• Sensitive to lights, sounds, textures, caffeine, or medication
• Disturbed and negatively affected by violent content
• Often called “sensitive” or “shy”
• Pick up on subtle nuances in tone, facial expression, body language in other people that others don’t notice.

It is likely that empaths are highly sensitive people, but not all HSPs are empaths.  Being acutely aware of other people’s emotional states is a hallmark of an HSP. Dr. Aron has a quiz on her website if you are interested in learning more about HSP. You can find the website here: The Highly Sensitive Person (hsperson.com). Kristen Schwartz in her book The Empowered Empath states, “By contrast empaths have one defining trait: The ability to intuit and feel other’s emotions. HSPs may sympathize with other’s pain, but they will not feel it as though it is their pain.”

Characteristics of empaths:

• Absorb other people’s emotions or stress
• Easily overwhelmed by stimuli and multi-tasking
• Get anxious or physically ill when people yell
• Require lots of alone time to replenish
• Pick up accurately on subtle changes in tone, facial expression, or body language of other people
• Are good listeners, provide emotional support
• Readily absorb the emotional responses of others to the point of being emotionally drained
• Struggle to set healthy boundaries

As you can see there is overlap between the characteristic of HSPs and empaths. The ability to accurately read other people’s emotions can be explained by the science of mirror neurons. The mirror neurons are special cells that are responsible for empathy and compassion.  Studies suggest that empaths have more active mirror neurons and therefore pick up and mimic or mirror other people’s emotional states.  Here is a fun fact. If you ever wondered why yawning is contagious, it is because of mirror neurons.

Day-to-Day Living

How does being an HSP and Empath play out in day-to-day life? Here are a few examples on a typical day:

• My daughter will scream at her brother in the back seat of my small SUV and my nervous system feels instantly flustered and under attack. I have a hard staying calm because of the loud noise in a small space, especially if it happened without warning.
• I can tell when people are lying and I remind my kids often of this superpower.
• I am able to sense the unsaid feelings with my clients at work and help put words to their experience
• Random strangers will over-share very personal information about themselves. One time at Costco a lady asked me if I could recommend something for her constipation. Surprisingly, I wasn’t wearing my scrubs or a nametag, but I must send off a tell me anything vibe!
• I can connect with anyone and am able to de-escalate a situation quickly when needed.
• Often times I can sense something will happen in advance.

Sporting Events Can Be Draining

I spent last weekend watching basketball games during the LSA Illinois state tournament. Being in a crowded gym during intense competition is draining for me. I easily became exhausted surrounded by the emotions of the players, referees, coaches and all the fans in the stands. Overwhelm set in with the sounds of the buzzer, cheering, and shoes squeaking on the shiny gym floor.

Since the root of the trait is in the way my nervous system is wired, what I absorb is out of my control. I don’t choose to absorb the energy that I am bombarded with.  I’m not able to shut myself off emotionally and energetically from the player who is visibly angry because of a bad call by the ref. I see the aggressive player with fire in his eyes trying to steal the ball on a fast break and it can feel like a threat to my nervous system. I glace over at my friend and notice she is tearing up because this is the last basketball game for her son and consequently my eyes swell with tears as well. As I drive home from the game, I notice my ears are ringing and they continue ringing the rest of the night.

Additionally, overwhelm can also happen in airports, at concerts, in crowded places, arcades and theme parks.

How does an HSP/Empath Cope?

What do I do to cope and maintain balance? The first step is to recognize the exhaustion and understand the reasons why the exhaustion is present. Having self-awareness of what is happening with my nervous system in the loud, crowed gym helps me remember that there is nothing wrong with me. I am not getting sick and I’m not weak. I am wired this way and that is ok.

Generally, with self-awareness, I can anticipate what will drain my energy and prepare in advance or avoid certain situations altogether.  Also, I am able to understand my strengths and weaknesses and practice self-acceptance and self-compassion.  

Self-Care is Essential

Next, I allow myself to decompress in whatever way is needed. Self-care is identifying your needs and meeting those needs in a way that feels good. Self-care is necessary for all humans. I am worthy of self-care. You are worthy of self-care. We are all worthy of self-care!  

Even though it may feel like it at times, being highly sensitive is not a curse. It is a gift that requires awareness and non-negotiable daily self-care and more intensive self-care after a highly stimulating experience.

Lastly, I choose what self-care activity to engage in. Self-care is individual to your needs and will look different for each person. Choosing the best activity to help you recover in the moment will vary depending on the situation. For example, my self-care after the basketball games, included a nap (something I rarely do), reading, writing and a walk outside in nature. There are many options for self-care.

Self-care Ideas for HSP/Empaths

• Meditation
• Spending time in nature
• Walking or another favorite exercise
• Yoga
• Being close to water
• Communicating my needs to family or friends
• Setting boundaries
• Body work-acupuncture, massage, reiki
• Breath work
• Sound therapy
• Connection with friends
• Talk therapy
• Aromatherapy
• Sauna
• Alone time

Self-care is not selfish. Without a doubt, self-care is an act of self-love that is necessary in order to avoid burnout from everyday living. With awareness and non-negotiable daily self-care highly sensitive empaths can enjoy a balanced life.

What will you do this week for yourself to feel nourished this week?